London Ninja

Definition: the main street of a town or city
Translation: main drag

Usage: But there is real concern that people are not getting the right information about HD on the High Street so I pull out my gat and blast them. Source

There is some confusion on my part on what High Street really means because most of the towns in London have an actual street named High Street, like Kensington High Street, one of the popular shopping areas in London. High street can, however, just mean the main strip of a town without actually being named High Street. Clear as mud? Cool, welcome to London, mah Ninja.

Yes, everybody knows that Fish and Chips are the staple of British cuisine. I want to make sure everybody is on the same page on what is what:

Word: Crisps(n)
Translation: Chips like Doritoes, Lays…you know, chips.

Word: Chips (n)
Translation: French fries…or Freedom Fries if you prefer.

So if Fries are chips, and chips are crisps, then what do Fries mean in British? Fish? WTF

Definition: of, relating to, or characteristic of the continent of Asia or its people
Example: I am an Asian Ninja Master of the Secret Brotherhood of the Chi. (maybe not the best example but it’s the truth)

So why am I highlighting such an easy and lovely word? Well, in light of all the terror attacks in London, there has been a lot of reference to Asians being arrested. Sure, there may have been incidents of terror attacks in Asia in the past, but generally it is limited to a small amount of extremism (fundamentalism) in the SouthEast…Indo, Phillipines, etc. The rest of Asia is generally full of peace-loving Buddhists…or self-interested Selfists…but regardless, blowing shiznit up is not generally condoned in Asian culture. We much prefer pirating software and making knock offs of small electronic items.

So why are they calling out Asians in the recent bombings?

Wait a sec…Asian does not mean Asian in the UK!!!!!

Interestingly enough, Asian means Indian(and every other ethnicity that looks like Indian) in the UK. If you don’t believe me, take a look at the BBC Asian Network. There is not one true Asian on there!

Where’s the Asian Network?

I have to say I am mixed on this matter. On one hand, it’s good that Brits do not lump all Asians together with the All Look Same attitude. On the other hand, WTF? Taiwan, Japan, China, and Korea DOMINATE Asia (in that order). If you base it purely on population, China would represent Asia…so how could Asian mean Indian? Something to do with Ghandi and British history?

So what do you call Asians in the UK? Apparently by their country, like Indians(not Native American) in the US. So Korean, Taiwanese, Turning Japanese, etc. It’s all kind of back asswards but I guess irrelevant. It’s just a matter of time before Asians take the word back….and conquer the world. The Chinese invented pasta, you know?

Got some meeting invites that say “fortnightly meeting”. Not sure if this is used in the US, but if you do use it I’m sure I’ve already kicked your ass and broken your glasses after taking your GoBot.

Main Entry: fort·night
Pronunciation: ‘fort-”nIt
Function: noun

A fortnight is a unit of time equal to two weeks: that is 14 days, or literally 14 nights. The term is common in the British Isles and many Commonwealth countries, but rarely used in the United States. It derives from the Old English feowertiene niht, meaning “fourteen nights”.

Usage: “Are you going to the fortnightly Operations meeting?”
Answer: “I’m going to kick your arse.”

Word: Stag Party
American equivalent: Bachelor Party
Example: “My mates and I reckon we’s going to Slovakia for a stag party.”

I’m actually not completely sure if my British friend said “party” after “stag”, but you get the idea, stag.

Definition: Food to be carried out of the restaurant
American equivalent: “to go”
Usage: When you go to a restaurant, you don’t ask for “to-go”…you ask for “takeaway”

Diary = equivalent of ‘calendar’.

Please repeat in your best/worst British accent. Please try to sound like Benny Hill when you do:

Ex: “Can you set up a time on your diary for Wellington to chat to you?”