London Ninja

Word: Flick Knife
Definiton A type of knife with a folding or sliding blade that springs out of the grip when a button or lever on the grip is pressed. aka “switchblade”
Usage: If you don’t bring me a proper cuppa, I will stick my flick knife up ur arse.

Word: Sunnys
Definition: Tinted spectacles placed over the eyes to avoid excessive UV Rays entering the Iris. aka..sunglasses.
Usage: “Bloody hell, you’re wearing your sunnys! I reckon I can’t even find mine since I don’t recall the last time there was sun. Rubbish.”

Word: Row
Definition: a noisy dispute or quarrel; argument. Nothing to do with crew or rowing boats.
Usage: I am always rowing with my mum on who eats all the biscuits during afternoon tea.

Word: Press-up
Definition: British way of saying push-up
Usage: I reckon I may do some press-ups on the green after some lovely tea and biscuits.

Word: Tin
Definition: Can
Usage: Do you have any pumpkin in a tin?

We attempted to make pumpkin pie yesterday in celebration of Thansgiving. In doing so, we realised that we actually need pumpkin. These stores were absolutely confused on what we were asking when we asked “can of pumpkin”. Eventually someone asked, “oh, pumpkin in a tin? Never heard of that before.” The rest of the day, we were in search, in futility, for “pumpkin in a tin”.

We never found the pumpkin in a tin, but am happy to say that we enjoy tuna in a tin, peaches in a tin, mandarin oranges in a tin, and of course…kippers in a tin.

Word: Mexicant
Definition: A Mexicant is a person of Mexican descent who won’t work hard and is often seen goofing off and being lazy. Combination of Mexican and the contraction can’t.
source: urbandictionary

My own definition of it is more of anything (person, thing, or place) that is of sub-par quality. Of course, I first heard of the term in Once Upon a Time in Mexico, when Johnny Depp so eloquently says it to either Cheech or that one Mexican dude in all the movies.

Usage: “So, Jose…are you a Mexican or a Mexicant?”

Something written above is probably offensive to somebody out there. But the people that would be offended by this are so far away, this probably will not reach all the way there. It’s one thing to be in cities named: San Diego, San Francisco, or El Cajon. It’s another to be in Islington, London. I have no fear here on any Mexican retaliation. That said, I love Mexicans, and in particular Im a big fan of Mexican food.

My precious

The burrito is the gold standard when it comes to Mexican food. It’s a pretty simple formula…

Burrito Ingredients:
1. Freshly rolled tortilla. Nothing store bought. You need someone Mexican to make it and deliver it.
2. Fresh ingredientes. Avocado is the most important. Ingredients should not include more than the following:
Pico del gallo (optional) aka salsa fresca
Carne - pollo asado, carne asada, or carnitas. That’s it. Stay away from shredded anything but carnitas. Don’t venture too much here, you will get hepatitis. Mexican food is not where you want to be adventurous. You could do char-grilled meats…but that tends to be in business burritoes that cost $8 and tou would tend to be a wanker in a suit.
Queso (optional)
sour creme (optional)
onion and coriander…you Americans call it “cilantro”
guacamole
Salsa (to be added on after)

That’s it. Notice I did not put beans, rice, or…God forbid…lettuce. If you want a salad on the side, feel free. Feel free to also stick crumpets up your arse. I could care less. Keep in mind fresh salad is what I call Mexicant food. Don’t mess with it. You may die. [London Ninja does not assume any responsibility over deaths resulting from bad Mexicant.]

So why am I writing about Mexican food? Because there isn’t any in London. I would probably kill a small child in Portugal for a good burrito here. My American friend in London did show me a whole site devoted to the pursuit of a good burrito in London, but I am going to refrain from this quest. It´s not going to happen. There’s no good Mexican food outside of California(Tex-Mex tastes like Taco Bell) and I can barely find a good burrito in San Francisco. For the most part they only exist in Southern California. Everywhere else outside of California, including London only gets Mexicant food.

Word: Schedule
Definition:: Nothing has changed here…a schedule.
Usage: Same usage. If everything is the same, why am I even writing about it? Well, the Britons pronounce it wrong…or the Americans pronounce it wrong.

British pronounciation: “shed-ule”
American pronounciation: “sked-ule”
Ninja pronounciation: “W-T-F”

In doing some more formal research, I looked at similar words in the English dictionary and find other “sche” words….scheme, schema…

Verdict: British lose once again. (Rugby reference)

Words: “Are you all right?”
Definition: “How are you?”
Usage: Whenever you hear this phrase, it actually means something completely different than what you think it means. Instead of asking you about your current state of being or that you look like you’re in a state of poor condition, it is just how the Brits say “How are you?” When I first arrived, I was not sure how to answer this…usually these options:

A. “yes, are you?”
B. “um…yes, I am all right..and always right.”
C. “yes, yourself?”
D. “bloody hell”
E. “Some blokes have been smoking my fags”
F. “Blimey, I have a slight headache and my arse feels raw from all the spicey foods I just ingested.”

Usually I answer F, but I think something like C seems to make most sense. I’m still not completely used to that question and generally say “yeah, how are you?” like an American bloke with a raw arse.