Word: Mexicant Definition: A Mexicant is a person of Mexican descent who won’t work hard and is often seen goofing off and being lazy. Combination of Mexican and the contraction can’t.
source: urbandictionary
My own definition of it is more of anything (person, thing, or place) that is of sub-par quality. Of course, I first heard of the term in Once Upon a Time in Mexico, when Johnny Depp so eloquently says it to either Cheech or that one Mexican dude in all the movies.
Something written above is probably offensive to somebody out there. But the people that would be offended by this are so far away, this probably will not reach all the way there. It’s one thing to be in cities named: San Diego, San Francisco, or El Cajon. It’s another to be in Islington, London. I have no fear here on any Mexican retaliation. That said, I love Mexicans, and in particular Im a big fan of Mexican food.
My precious
The burrito is the gold standard when it comes to Mexican food. It’s a pretty simple formula…
Burrito Ingredients:
1. Freshly rolled tortilla. Nothing store bought. You need someone Mexican to make it and deliver it.
2. Fresh ingredientes. Avocado is the most important. Ingredients should not include more than the following:
Pico del gallo (optional) aka salsa fresca
Carne - pollo asado, carne asada, or carnitas. That’s it. Stay away from shredded anything but carnitas. Don’t venture too much here, you will get hepatitis. Mexican food is not where you want to be adventurous. You could do char-grilled meats…but that tends to be in business burritoes that cost $8 and tou would tend to be a wanker in a suit.
Queso (optional)
sour creme (optional)
onion and coriander…you Americans call it “cilantro”
guacamole
Salsa (to be added on after)
That’s it. Notice I did not put beans, rice, or…God forbid…lettuce. If you want a salad on the side, feel free. Feel free to also stick crumpets up your arse. I could care less. Keep in mind fresh salad is what I call Mexicant food. Don’t mess with it. You may die. [London Ninja does not assume any responsibility over deaths resulting from bad Mexicant.]
So why am I writing about Mexican food? Because there isn’t any in London. I would probably kill a small child in Portugal for a good burrito here. My American friend in London did show me a whole site devoted to the pursuit of a good burrito in London, but I am going to refrain from this quest. It´s not going to happen. There’s no good Mexican food outside of California(Tex-Mex tastes like Taco Bell) and I can barely find a good burrito in San Francisco. For the most part they only exist in Southern California. Everywhere else outside of California, including London only gets Mexicant food.
To celebrate my 1st year anniversary, I decided to take mi lady out for a nice dinner in London. The decision on where to go was easy since we are close friends with Gordon Ramsay, the celebrity chef behind Hells Kitchen and Kitchen Nightmares (Premiering this week). By close friends, I mean we’ve met him once at Taste of London. So we chose to go to the Boxwood Cafe for dinner.
Boxwood Cafe is basically gourmet British cuisine with very nice dishes but offering some traditional British food like Sheperds Pie and Sweetbreads.
We ended up ordering the following dishes
1. Champagne
2. Joffre e Hijas Grand Malbec from Mendoza
2. Baby squid in a rocket salad
3. Fig salad with parma ham and greens
4. Salmon with cauliflower foam
5. Gnocci with different beans
6. salt caramel coffee cake
All in all the quality was great. By great I mean both in terms of taste and in terms of Pounds Sterling. In Brit terms, it was lovely but bloody expensive.
The unique thing about our evening, however, was that when we arrived we noticed a dude there having a drink. Lo and Behold it was Gordon Ramsay. Apparently he was taping a show of Kitchen Nightmares there that night. So despite the chaos with the filming in the kitchen, I was able to arrange for a private personal tour of the kitchen, meeting both Gordon Ramsay and the Executive Chef of the restaurant. I was able to hook it up through some special deal that I could tell you about but then I would have to put you in a jiujitsu lock. I don’t know Kung Fu but I know CRAZY so consider yourself warned. In the kitchen we got to chat with Gordon about stuff…restaurants…LA, San Fran, Hell’s Kitchen, and my mad ninja skillz.
The good thing is that there was no mention of me needing a proper shave this time around. That bastard.
All in all, great experience. Pricey food. Probably the most expensive meal I’ve had thus far in London but it’s worth it if you get to chat with a celebrity chef.
I thought a Royale with Cheese was a Quarter Pounder in France where they use the metric system and do not have any clue WTF a pound is.
Vincent: And you know what they call a… a… a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris?
Jules: They don’t call it a Quarter Pounder with cheese?
Vincent: No man, they got the metric system. They wouldn’t know what the fuck a Quarter Pounder is.
Jules: Then what do they call it?
Vincent: They call it a Royale with cheese.
Jules: A Royale with cheese. What do they call a Big Mac?
Vincent: Well, a Big Mac’s a Big Mac, but they call it le Big-Mac.
Jules: Le Big-Mac. Ha ha ha ha. What do they call a Whopper?
Vincent: I dunno, I didn’t go into Burger King.
Well, at the great British gourmet establishment Burger King, here’s your (Chicken) Royale with Cheese:
Don’t ask me why I’m eating Burger King in London. Sometimes you just need a quick hearty meal that doesn’t cost $20 USD. And yes, I am European now, I eat my fries with Mayo.
Hmm, for some reason people in the UK aren’t celebrating the day a few hundred years ago when they lost their arses to the Americans. Not sure why…
To celebrate a Happy Independence Day, I went to Gourmet Burger Kitchen to have a burger with my American friend:
This is what I ordered:
1. Cheeseburger
2. Chips(Fries for you Americans)
3. Lemonade
4. Bottled Water
Tab: ~20 GBP or $40 USD for a meal for two. God Save the Queen.
The burger was good, like an American six dollar burger, except twice the cost. I haven’t tried the angus burgers that are at all the pubs here but the word on the street is that they suck arse.
This burger had a pile of fixings on top including lettuce and tomato. The meat was excellent except for the prions. The aged cheddar was a nice touch. It’s much better than that standard American Cheese crap. They have this excellent garlic mayo that was made out of raw garlic, except raw garlic is not good for a workday lunch…who would’ve guessed. The only thing that was weird was the “relish”. What I was expecting was the green pickle stuff we throw on top of good old American hot dogs on a 4th of July. Instead I got this red sweet pastey stuff. Cheers.
All in all, it was a nice American-style burger….I recommend it for those in London who get sick of eating bangers and mash.
Finally found a good value in London…in Chinatown, of course. I knew my cousins could make it happen. Wong Kei is on a street adjacent to the main strip in Chinatown.
Duck Noodle soup was pretty good. noodles and soup were a bit on the less flavorful side but I think it’s what this recipe calls for. The Chow Fun was great. Totally greasy and full of wok with lots of beef to go around and a good hot sauce/chili flake+oil mix to add to the mix. All the dishes around me looked big. Some fried rice dish look ginormous(I hate that word because it sounds like vaginormous).
Customer service was terrible, as is expected in Chinese restaurants. They put us upstairs on a table for 6 with other people on the round table. We left abruptly and went downstairs where they put us right next to another set of people…but at least it wasn’t a round table.
Duck Noodle Soup = 3.50GBP
Beef Chow Fun = 3.80 GBP
half pint of Carlsberg = 1.5 GBP
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8.8 GBP = $17 USD for two
For our first meal in London, we walk down Queensway road in Notting Hill, where there is a ton of restaurants…all ethnicities. That it is around 10:30pm, we hit up a Thai place called Tuk Tuk.
The cool thing with London is that you get to see the menu and prices outside of every restaurant. No guessing at menu or prices. No asking for the menu from a stuck up hostess. You just look.
Pad Thai: 3.95 GBP
Spicy Chicken with Fried Rice: 4.65
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~9 GBP = ~18 USD
Yeah, it’s more expensive than the US, but $20 between two people is pretty standard. I did pass on that 2.5 GBP Sinha Beer, which I may or may not have gotten in the US.
All in all the food was mediocre. The pad thai had the nice “wok taste” that you get when you heat up the wok at high temperatures and stir fry the shit out of whatever is in the pan using your favorite animal shortening (lard). It gets that slightly burnt taste that I live for in chow mein, chow funs, fried rice, etc. Unfortuately, the rest of the pad thai was pretty forgettable. Nothing great here.
The Spicy fried chicken was a drumstick. I like drumsticks, but it is generally one of the less expensive parts of a chicken. It was may not have completely done. We still eat it all but I think this meal caused some stomache anger.
Given that there is about 489 other restaurants within walking distance, we will not be going back. Now, about that Sinha beer….
