London Ninja

So this travel blog is long overdue as is some of my next couple of catch up travel blogs. The reason is very simple for the backlog…it takes much longer to pick out pictures from trips than just highlighting my normal trips to the pub.

So for the second part of the European family travel when my folks came out, we hit up Barcelona, Espana. I had been to Barcelona before but it was much different going with my familia.

First impressions:
1. Barcelona is a big metropolitan city with lots of life, culture and, soul.
2. Public transportation is the best I’ve been on and it’s cheap. Much better than the Tube in London. They had the digital displays counting down train arrival by the second.
3. Ladrones.

Highlights of my trip included:
1. Park Guell. Amazing park designed by Antoni Gaudi. A lot of excellent structures and incredible views from up top.

The main stairway with the fountain and stairs.

Views were great, you just have to climb a bit.

2. Segrada Familia – It’s very simple. You go to Barcelona, you see Segrada Familia. Kinda like if you’re black, you vote Osama…I mean Obama….Hussein Obama. (London Ninja’s political views do not necesarily reflect those of Antoni Gaudi)

yes, London Ninja rises the the occasion.

3. Tapas at Ciudad Condal – I am adamant that those of you that visit Barcelona should not just find go to any tapas joint you see on the street. You will be eating sausages made of lips and arse garnished with the pubis of mang. I assure you this is not what you want. Instead, do your research and go to a place like Ciudad Condal and taste delicacies like cuttlefish, razor clams, and rabbit paw.

Feast your eyes out

4. La Padrera – I don’t like paying to go into buildings when I’m on holiday especially cathedrals but this building designed by Gaudi was well worth it. You see the intricate design and philosphy in Gaudi’s architecture in all of his work, which are based on natural lines and using the form and shapes inherent in Earth’s organisms and fauna. The open rooftop was the best part, since it gave views of the city as well as some incredible photographic opportunites.

5. La Boqueria on Las Ramblas – Fantastic assortment of fruits, sweets, seafood, and carcasses off of the main tourist street Las Ramblas. These pictures will tell a better story than I can.

I can handle fish heads but this is slightly out of my league.

6. Churros y Chocolate – We sampled a few places and it is quite a treat. Miniature churros dipped in thick smooth hot chocolate. Not much to argue with there.

So good.

7. Ladrones. See part 2.

My conclusion of Barcelona
Barcelona is an amazing city. It may cost you the jacket off your back, literally, but overall it is amazing. I enjoy Spain particularly because I can throw around some Espanol from my 6 years in middle and high school. I think it is required that you visit Barcelona when you go to Spain and there is just plenty to see and do there.

Looking forward to checking out more of Spain…Sevilla is next.

If any of you were not aware, I am part Irish…at least according to my British mate Dom:

Dom: As an American you are also obliged to claim some sort of Irish heritage.
London Ninja: yeah…well…that is probably a stretch for me being born in Taiwan. I can claim to be a descendent of genghis khan, however.
Dom:No less true than the majority of Americans who claim to be Irish
London Ninja: Trudat. lol. zomg. xoxo. d00d.

I’m in Dublin for another weekend with endeavors to Wicklow and Newgrange with side trips to Shit and Load of Guiness. Cheers.

Finally got the chance to write all this up. These blogs are hard work, maaaaang.

For the second big trip out of London, we took my folks, bro, and sistah-in-law to Lisboa. Americans call it Lisbon. I just call it in its short form: Lezbo. There are many reasons for going to Lisboa, one of which is that my sister in law does not have an American passport and the Shengan visa for Spain is a bitch to get. You have to actually go in for an interview at one of their locations. The Portugal one was all done in like less than a week through the mail. That visa gets you in to anywhere in the EU….which pretty much means that the whole painful vetting process Spain does is useless anyway. Oh well. I’ve never been a fan of the EU anyway. The EURO took away the thrill of all the different currencies and doubled prices for tourists. FDAT.

First impression of Portugal after arriving there at around 9pm:
1. Kinda ghetto. Streets weren’t that lively for a Saturday night.
2. Very impressive town square
3. Architecture was clearly inferior to London’s…and that of Las Vegas
4. There is graffiti on every wall. Literally.
5. People won’t hesitate to rip you off.
6. You’re not in London anymore, toto.

First experience in Lisboa:
After arriving, we needed to get into town via taxi, which the guidebook says is 10 EURO to get into town. The two taxi drivers exchanged some words before taking us. When we arrive in the two taxis, they quote double that. We said WTF. Both taxi drivers were trying to rip us off but gave different quotes since they had not sync’ed up on the . They were actually quite skilled at it, bringing over a piece of paper and claiming off-hour times, luggage charge, and how we were in a “premier taxi”. haha. We were tired so still got ripped off and paid something like $18. Welcome to Lezbo.

What we did:
1. Visited the Castle Sao Jorge…a big ass castle up on the top of the city. It’s a castle set on top of the city. Pretty cool castle with rad views and a bunch of historical relics like the cannon.

Don’t hate. Congratulate and procreate.

2. Ate lots of seafood at the restaurant row. Good stuff…people are a bit aggressive in pulling you in to their restaurants but overall the food was lovely.

When I sea food, I eat food. (I’m here all week, yall)

3. Drank port (you know, Port-ugal) at the Port Wine Institute. Pretty rad, you just sit there and taste different ports. Got my Dad wasted.

4. Hit the local bars in town. Small divey type of bars litter the city. Sort of a sketchy part of town but pretty rad. Apparently the city was built in a haphazard way so that invading armies would get confused on where to go because the streets would all look similar with no recognition of any sense in where streets are going. It succeeded.

5. Drank shots of Ginginha for 1 EURO. They have these little walk up bars that serve this stuff. It’s a sweet brandy type of liquor made from Ginja berries that packs a nice bunch. A bit too sweet but I took plenty of em down….I mean, 1 EUR. My folks did start to get worried about my “drinking problem”, though.

6. Checked out the Golden Gate Bridge part deux. This thing was apparently built by the same designer of San Francisco. WTF. I mean seriously…WTF. How can you take a landmark from a different city and just pop a duplicate in a different city like it was a cheap Chinese counterfeit LV bag?

The Faux Golden Gate bridge. SF is going to file infringement soon.

7. Visited Monastery of Jeronimos. A big cathedral with…you know…big cathedral like stuff…dead monks…

8. Ate little egg custard pastries at Pasteis de Belem.. These little things are pretty damn good. If you go to Lisboa, you have to try these.

Egg custard from Pastreis Belem

9. Visited the Belem Tower. Kind of a cool looking tower on the water good only for pictures. Speaking of pictures, I apologise for my folks ruining my picture below. How dare they get in my shot?

Ever wonder what a Michael Jordan / Karate Kid combo would look like? It’s called London Ninja.

10. Sipped Cristal the whole time. Did I mention to everyone that I’m a high roller? Those in the hip hop industry would call me a balla and a shotcalla. Word to yo mum.

You know how I roll, sippin Cris like its h2O.

Overall, Lisboa was just aight for me. If you need fast visa to get into the EU, it’s not a bad starting point to get into EU. The prices are pretty good, food is good and there are some sights that are impressive. It’s a less touristy place because it is out of the way for more casual travelers, so that helps it to maintain a more chill mood. I wouldn’t necesarily go out of my way to get there though.

In my first excursion out of London, we hit up Bath. Bath is known for a few big things:

1. Roman Baths. The Romans, when trying to conquer the world, stopped here and discovered natural springs so set up camp here.
2. Stonehenge. It is basically around 45 mins to an hour outside of Bath but all the tours kick off at Bath.
3. John Wood’s Royal Crescent.. Architecture.

You can get to Bath from London on the train or the bus. The bus takes roughly 3 hours to get there whereas the train only takes 1.5 hours. The train is roughly 30gbp whereas the bus was half that. I think you can guess which route I took. You get what you pay for I suppose. The bus ride was a long but just I just imagine being on a Virgin Atlantic Upper Class Flight…except you don’t get food, drinks, massages, and there’s a toilet next to you.

River running through Bath

The first thing you notice in Bath is how quaint it is. It’s a pretty nice looking town with a lot of character. It is also next to a nasty river just like London. I do enjoy bodies of water whether it’s the ocean, lake or a river and ultimately I guess water is water…except this one has fecal matter floating on top.

I won’t cover Stonehenge or Lacock, both of which have been mentioned. Lacock being my favourite of the two names, of course. I will mention the other two impressive sites here:

1. Roman Baths

Main postcard Roman bath pool. Shot for 3 seconds of exposure.

You have to see the Roman Baths if you are in Bath. It’s the site where they have excavated old Roman Bath ruins that were built on top of natural hot springs. The water is sort of nasty to look at and it has a sulfuric smell. By sulfuric, I mean like farts, with a hint of arse if you will. And by fart, I mean the kind after a lot of dairy products. At the end of the tour, you get to drink a cup of the natural spring water apparently with 40 different minerals in it that are good for you. It smells and tastes like fart…if you’re into that kind of thing.

2. The Royal Crescent

The Royal Crescent is a notable residential road of 30 houses, laid out in a crescent, in the city of Bath, England. It was designed by the architect John Wood the Younger and built between 1767 and 1774. It is amongst the greatest examples of Georgian architecture to be found in the United Kingdom and is a grade I listed building.

Basically a big building that is pretty impressive to look at. My recommendation for photographers is to go there at dusk when nobody’s there and you’ll be able to capture pictures without cricket bats and Britons everywhere.

Royal Crescent with entertainment

3. Hike up Bathwick

Those are basically the highlights of Bath. On the last day we took a hike up through Bathwick to check out the city from a far, which is also very worthwhile.

Bringin Gangsta Back

All in all, I think Bath is a worthwhile overnight experience away from London. Stonehenge and the Roman Baths you will see in all the literature so it was worth hitting up. It’s a nice weekend trip away from the London lights. One to two nights max.

Where else in the world would you get to taste fart in liquid form?

Word: ladrón,-ona
Definition: thief [ɵɪ:f] n (pl thieves [ɵɪ:vz])
Usage: Hay muchos ladrónes en Espana pero no pueden robar ninjas mas fuerte. (yes, I took 6 years of Espanol and passed the AP test in high school.

So I basically just got back from my first extensive trip to Portugal and Spain with the fam. Great trip full with excitement and aversion of potential disaster.

Some quick trip highlights:

1. 3 days in Portugal and 3 days in Barcelona.
2. 6 camera-happy Orientals traveling through lower economic countries of the EU. AKA targets on our back.
3. Guru-level Ninjitsu skills needed to protect all 6 in a hostile environment.

More to come…

My folks are in town visiting my arse in London this weekend with an excursion to Portugal and Spain next week.

Early observations of my current family gathering:

1. I’m not a fish and chips guy. Had that shit again at Borough Market today and I think I’m over it. It’s not bad, but at the end of the day its fried fish and chips. I am after all sophistimacated.
2. Walking around for like 10 hours gives the feet a nice workout.
3. Living on the fourth floor is great for personal exercise but is different carrying two different luggages.
4. Family gathering with my entire family means two prosumer photographers shooting up the town…which means very slow movement from site to site.
5. The water container for our flat can do exactly 16 mins of dishes, 2 showers, 3 teethbrushing sessions and 1 load of laundry before being depleted completely. Sorry, mum.
6. Chinese accents and British accents don’t do well together. If you are Chinese, please do not attempt a British accent…ever. I mean it. As a matter of fact…just don’t attempt a British accent. Or I will Ginsu your arse…..slow.

Real slow…

As part of our Bath trip, we visited the quaint little town of Lacock. It is apparently where they filmed some of Harry Potter and Pride and Prejudice. You can see how they would as they all you have to do is remove the cars and you have an old school village.

It was basically a small village with small doors and the old British feel. The best part, of course, is the name. La-cock. Pronounced “Lay-cock”. Locals refer to the town lovingly as “the dick”. Blimey.

So yes, we have seen it. Stonehenge. One of the most famous prehistoric sites of the world….that’s what they keep telling us.

The rocks themselves are formed in a circle in kind of a cool way…I guess.

Wonder of the world

All of that said, it is right next to a road but you HAVE to buy tickets to see it along with an audio tour. It’s all good except all that I’m really interested in is taking pictures…not so much the whole “We believe they used to use this for….” kind of history because at the end of the day nobody really knows what Stonehenge is.

Of course, you have to fight with all the other folks that are also told that these rocks are a wonder of the world….

Can you take a picture for me?

Bottom line of Stonehenge is that it’s not as impressive as people say it is. The area is cool if you block out the crowds and the motorway but it’s definitely all a bit touristy.

Here are tips to seeing Stonehenge:
1. Bring your headphones. They give you the audio guide that is like a phone, but it’s a pain to hold it the whole time with one hand. Just plug your headphones in and you have your hands free to snap pictures AND you don’t get the last Briton’s ear wax in your ear.
2. Imagine you are looking at a UFO. And the aliens that come out of that UFO are hot chicks in bikinis…oh, and you’re the hottest guy on planet Earth to them and then all other men die. cheers.
3. Bring a jacket. It gets bloody cold up there.
4. Have multiple people take pics of you or bring a tripod.
5. Don’t try to touch any of the rocks at Stonehenge. You will be struck by thunder coming from the hand of Zeus.