London Ninja

Looking forward to my next trip next week. First I’m going to head over to Liverpool for a couple of days for the ACPO-APA 2008, where I will meet some of the UK’s top law enforcement officials. I better hide my flick knife from them. Liverpool, of course, is the home of the Beatles so I’ll see if there’s some opportunity to go to the Beatles museum where I can sing “I want to hold your hand” out loud. Liverpool is also the crime capital of the UK, so it should be fun to get mugged while being at a police conference.

The real fun begins when I hit Scotland. Starting off at Edinburgh, we are going to do a 3 day tour around Scotland, including Loch Ness and Isle of Skye.

We then return to Edinburgh for a day and spend the evening in a real life castle, the Dalhousie. That will be our splurge night with the spa and nice meal…not just haggis.

Should be a fab time. Can’t wait for the scotch and finally capturing the Loch Ness Monster. Wish you were beer.

It’s been a while since I’ve done travel blogs. The main reason is because they take a shitload of time. But since one of the goals of this blog is to bring my reading audience(stay-at-home-mums) with me to all the places I go along with how to do it, I will make the effort to document every trip…including Oxford, which I did in 2007. Yes, 2007…when Ron Paul had a strong chance of winning the election. My other goals are to inform other Londoners on how to take these trips and also so that some rich dude reads my delightful blogs and offers me 2 million quid in angel funding for transforming London Ninja into the next big travel portal. Not holding my breathe too hard for that, though.

How to get there?
There’s a very convenient coach that goes from London to Oxford in about 1-1.5 hours. It is probably the nicest coach I have been on with wifi and air conditioning and all that. Very frequent and convenient. Costs around 15 quid.

What to do?
1. Visit the Christ Church College

This is apparently one of the oldest and best known colleges in Oxford, with many famous alum like Tony Blair and Bill Clinton. It is set in a nice area and does make you ponder how the raising of capital gains tax, if not indexed to match an expected rising inflation rate, could deteriorate the rate of investment capital.

2. Visit Harry Potter’s lunch hall
Part of the Christ Church. This place is MAGIC. (See what I did there?)

3. Have a pint at the Turf Tavern
Highlight of the trip was here. You walk through this tiny alley to arrive at one of the top pubs in the country, sporting as many hand pulled bitters as there are cockroaches in a Tijuana taco joint (a plethora). Apparently this place used to be a brothel outside the city walls where the priests would go in the wee hours of the night(you can still see the old city walls next to it). I didn’t understand that…thought they just held “Sunday School”.

How much does it cost?
My first B&B experience, which was at a reasonable rate of ~60 quid, including a full English breakfast with over easy eggs, sausage, tomato, bacon(Canadian style), biscuits, and a shitload of tea. Bus ride is 15 quid as mentioned above. Everything else is just the standard UK bloody expensive…

Verdict: 3 / 5 Ninjas. Good weekend trip..Worth of 1-2 days of fun.

This week I am heading up to the Arctic Circle to have a chat with Santa and to consume Rudolph. Red nose and all…

Santa, here I come

When I went to Russia earlier this winter, everyone asked me “Why are you going there?”. I did a lot of introspection and came up with answers that apply to the Lapland trip as well.

Why Lapland?
1. Because I’m masochistic.
2. Because I want something completely different than where the fat and loud American tourists go.

Where and what is Lapland?

Lapland is the name of a region in north Europe that belongs to Norway, Sweden, Finland and Russia. Mild in summer with temperatures reaching 20°C and a wonderful snowland in winter with -30°C in the coldest months of the year.

The same IM chat occurs every time I chat with someone about Lapland:

London Ninja says: goin 2 lapland on thurs
JeffC says: what’s lapland?
JeffC says: strip club?
London Ninja says: y
JeffC says: cool
London Ninja says: galore

Sorry to disappoint but Lapland is unfortunately not the land of lapdances. Unless you call putting a husky in your lap after a dog-sledding tour a lapdance.

Plans include:

• Ice Hotel
• Overnight Dog sledging tour
• Northern Lights
• Abisko
• Friggin cold weather

Should be a very cool, and I mean bone-chilling, trip. Will give updates after I get the frostbite to clear from my arse.

7. Ladrones
Ladrones deserve their own section when talking about Barcelona. It is highlighted in all of the guidebooks but I think deserve particular attention for Barcelona. Our first major encounter was at the Golden Arches. Yes, we had McDonalds in Spain…but Big Macs in Europe just taste that much better than they do in the US. There’s no piece of home like getting some good old American grub and a full stomache for cheap.

So we were all sitting there chomping down on Frites con Mayo when a McDonalds worker came by and asked us if my camera bag was mine. I said si, unsure of what she wanted. She then went to another side and asked if another bag belonged to a lady two tables down. The worker then came back, signaled for us to look at the bag and said “ladron”. We were trying to figure out what was going on and realised there was a man that had come and sat right next to us that was not eating. We did not think anything of it because we were stuffing our face with Spanish Big Mac con frites. I was certainly pondering the way the silky mayonnaise contrasts with the deep fried crispy texture of the frites as it comes in contact with my tongue. The ladron, who I think was Asian, came and sat down and managed to go through the front pocket of my camera bag. Because a true ninja never leaves his stars in grasp of the enemy, there was nothing in that pocket but if the Mcdonalds worker had not come by, el ladron very well could have taken the entire bag. Bollocks.

I would guess I had roughly a thousand quid worth of photography gear in my bag. Yes, I’m a wanna-be paparrazzi…keeping an eye out for Li-Lo and Brangelina the whole time on my holiday. After that scare, my family and I spent the rest of the time playing “pickpocket”. Actually a pretty cool game…try to steal your mum’s wallet from her purse without her noticing. In concluding that the outside pocket of my camera bag is not secure, I considered putting something nasty in there for the ladrones. Nasty as in feces…from my own arse. That’s gross.

So that same night, we meet up with some of my London co-workers that all happened to be in Barcelona on the same weekend. Big crew of Britons in Barcelona…fab time. Only downside? Ladrones. At one bar, we all hung out at two tables. Being a Friday night the place was packed. At one point in the evening, someone in the group asked if anyone had seen his jacket. I think it was clear at that point that a ladron had come around and gotten two jackets that were on a chair, one containing an iPod and the other belonging to a chick in the group. The only positive in that story was that it was kind of an out-of-style denim jacket that the dude lost. Now, I’m not saying I’m P-Diddy or anything but I’m pretty sure denim jackets aren’t cool. I’m a big retro guy, but I haven’t received that memo that says denim jackets are back. And certainly not for blokes. The part that does suck though is that he had his iPod in his jacket. I’m not an Apple guy, so I’m not crying a river but I can feel for someone losing his music collection.

Tips for safe travel:
1. Put all bags in front of you, on top of the table. If you put it on your sides, it will be gone. If you put bag underneath the table, it will be gone.
2. Clip your bag to something where possible. Many places have something you can clip your bag to. If there is none, use your own bag and clip around table. This especially applies to securing your bag on trains.
3. Always keep an eye out for dudes with a loose jacket being carried on one shoulder.
4. Do not take your jacket off at bars. If you do, keep it on your lap or tie it to something.
5. Do not wear denim jackets as a man. Ever.

So this travel blog is long overdue as is some of my next couple of catch up travel blogs. The reason is very simple for the backlog…it takes much longer to pick out pictures from trips than just highlighting my normal trips to the pub.

So for the second part of the European family travel when my folks came out, we hit up Barcelona, Espana. I had been to Barcelona before but it was much different going with my familia.

First impressions:
1. Barcelona is a big metropolitan city with lots of life, culture and, soul.
2. Public transportation is the best I’ve been on and it’s cheap. Much better than the Tube in London. They had the digital displays counting down train arrival by the second.
3. Ladrones.

Highlights of my trip included:
1. Park Guell. Amazing park designed by Antoni Gaudi. A lot of excellent structures and incredible views from up top.

The main stairway with the fountain and stairs.

Views were great, you just have to climb a bit.

2. Segrada Familia - It’s very simple. You go to Barcelona, you see Segrada Familia. Kinda like if you’re black, you vote Osama…I mean Obama….Hussein Obama. (London Ninja’s political views do not necesarily reflect those of Antoni Gaudi)

yes, London Ninja rises the the occasion.

3. Tapas at Ciudad Condal - I am adamant that those of you that visit Barcelona should not just find go to any tapas joint you see on the street. You will be eating sausages made of lips and arse garnished with the pubis of mang. I assure you this is not what you want. Instead, do your research and go to a place like Ciudad Condal and taste delicacies like cuttlefish, razor clams, and rabbit paw.

Feast your eyes out

4. La Padrera - I don’t like paying to go into buildings when I’m on holiday especially cathedrals but this building designed by Gaudi was well worth it. You see the intricate design and philosphy in Gaudi’s architecture in all of his work, which are based on natural lines and using the form and shapes inherent in Earth’s organisms and fauna. The open rooftop was the best part, since it gave views of the city as well as some incredible photographic opportunites.

5. La Boqueria on Las Ramblas - Fantastic assortment of fruits, sweets, seafood, and carcasses off of the main tourist street Las Ramblas. These pictures will tell a better story than I can.

I can handle fish heads but this is slightly out of my league.

6. Churros y Chocolate - We sampled a few places and it is quite a treat. Miniature churros dipped in thick smooth hot chocolate. Not much to argue with there.

So good.

7. Ladrones. See part 2.

My conclusion of Barcelona
Barcelona is an amazing city. It may cost you the jacket off your back, literally, but overall it is amazing. I enjoy Spain particularly because I can throw around some Espanol from my 6 years in middle and high school. I think it is required that you visit Barcelona when you go to Spain and there is just plenty to see and do there.

Looking forward to checking out more of Spain…Sevilla is next.

If any of you were not aware, I am part Irish…at least according to my British mate Dom:

Dom: As an American you are also obliged to claim some sort of Irish heritage.
London Ninja: yeah…well…that is probably a stretch for me being born in Taiwan. I can claim to be a descendent of genghis khan, however.
Dom:No less true than the majority of Americans who claim to be Irish
London Ninja: Trudat. lol. zomg. xoxo. d00d.

I’m in Dublin for another weekend with endeavors to Wicklow and Newgrange with side trips to Shit and Load of Guiness. Cheers.

Finally got the chance to write all this up. These blogs are hard work, maaaaang.

For the second big trip out of London, we took my folks, bro, and sistah-in-law to Lisboa. Americans call it Lisbon. I just call it in its short form: Lezbo. There are many reasons for going to Lisboa, one of which is that my sister in law does not have an American passport and the Shengan visa for Spain is a bitch to get. You have to actually go in for an interview at one of their locations. The Portugal one was all done in like less than a week through the mail. That visa gets you in to anywhere in the EU….which pretty much means that the whole painful vetting process Spain does is useless anyway. Oh well. I’ve never been a fan of the EU anyway. The EURO took away the thrill of all the different currencies and doubled prices for tourists. FDAT.

First impression of Portugal after arriving there at around 9pm:
1. Kinda ghetto. Streets weren’t that lively for a Saturday night.
2. Very impressive town square
3. Architecture was clearly inferior to London’s…and that of Las Vegas
4. There is graffiti on every wall. Literally.
5. People won’t hesitate to rip you off.
6. You’re not in London anymore, toto.

First experience in Lisboa:
After arriving, we needed to get into town via taxi, which the guidebook says is 10 EURO to get into town. The two taxi drivers exchanged some words before taking us. When we arrive in the two taxis, they quote double that. We said WTF. Both taxi drivers were trying to rip us off but gave different quotes since they had not sync’ed up on the . They were actually quite skilled at it, bringing over a piece of paper and claiming off-hour times, luggage charge, and how we were in a “premier taxi”. haha. We were tired so still got ripped off and paid something like $18. Welcome to Lezbo.

What we did:
1. Visited the Castle Sao Jorge…a big ass castle up on the top of the city. It’s a castle set on top of the city. Pretty cool castle with rad views and a bunch of historical relics like the cannon.

Don’t hate. Congratulate and procreate.

2. Ate lots of seafood at the restaurant row. Good stuff…people are a bit aggressive in pulling you in to their restaurants but overall the food was lovely.

When I sea food, I eat food. (I’m here all week, yall)

3. Drank port (you know, Port-ugal) at the Port Wine Institute. Pretty rad, you just sit there and taste different ports. Got my Dad wasted.

4. Hit the local bars in town. Small divey type of bars litter the city. Sort of a sketchy part of town but pretty rad. Apparently the city was built in a haphazard way so that invading armies would get confused on where to go because the streets would all look similar with no recognition of any sense in where streets are going. It succeeded.

5. Drank shots of Ginginha for 1 EURO. They have these little walk up bars that serve this stuff. It’s a sweet brandy type of liquor made from Ginja berries that packs a nice bunch. A bit too sweet but I took plenty of em down….I mean, 1 EUR. My folks did start to get worried about my “drinking problem”, though.

6. Checked out the Golden Gate Bridge part deux. This thing was apparently built by the same designer of San Francisco. WTF. I mean seriously…WTF. How can you take a landmark from a different city and just pop a duplicate in a different city like it was a cheap Chinese counterfeit LV bag?

The Faux Golden Gate bridge. SF is going to file infringement soon.

7. Visited Monastery of Jeronimos. A big cathedral with…you know…big cathedral like stuff…dead monks…

8. Ate little egg custard pastries at Pasteis de Belem.. These little things are pretty damn good. If you go to Lisboa, you have to try these.

Egg custard from Pastreis Belem

9. Visited the Belem Tower. Kind of a cool looking tower on the water good only for pictures. Speaking of pictures, I apologise for my folks ruining my picture below. How dare they get in my shot?

Ever wonder what a Michael Jordan / Karate Kid combo would look like? It’s called London Ninja.

10. Sipped Cristal the whole time. Did I mention to everyone that I’m a high roller? Those in the hip hop industry would call me a balla and a shotcalla. Word to yo mum.

You know how I roll, sippin Cris like its h2O.

Overall, Lisboa was just aight for me. If you need fast visa to get into the EU, it’s not a bad starting point to get into EU. The prices are pretty good, food is good and there are some sights that are impressive. It’s a less touristy place because it is out of the way for more casual travelers, so that helps it to maintain a more chill mood. I wouldn’t necesarily go out of my way to get there though.

In my first excursion out of London, we hit up Bath. Bath is known for a few big things:

1. Roman Baths. The Romans, when trying to conquer the world, stopped here and discovered natural springs so set up camp here.
2. Stonehenge. It is basically around 45 mins to an hour outside of Bath but all the tours kick off at Bath.
3. John Wood’s Royal Crescent.. Architecture.

You can get to Bath from London on the train or the bus. The bus takes roughly 3 hours to get there whereas the train only takes 1.5 hours. The train is roughly 30gbp whereas the bus was half that. I think you can guess which route I took. You get what you pay for I suppose. The bus ride was a long but just I just imagine being on a Virgin Atlantic Upper Class Flight…except you don’t get food, drinks, massages, and there’s a toilet next to you.

River running through Bath

The first thing you notice in Bath is how quaint it is. It’s a pretty nice looking town with a lot of character. It is also next to a nasty river just like London. I do enjoy bodies of water whether it’s the ocean, lake or a river and ultimately I guess water is water…except this one has fecal matter floating on top.

I won’t cover Stonehenge or Lacock, both of which have been mentioned. Lacock being my favourite of the two names, of course. I will mention the other two impressive sites here:

1. Roman Baths

Main postcard Roman bath pool. Shot for 3 seconds of exposure.

You have to see the Roman Baths if you are in Bath. It’s the site where they have excavated old Roman Bath ruins that were built on top of natural hot springs. The water is sort of nasty to look at and it has a sulfuric smell. By sulfuric, I mean like farts, with a hint of arse if you will. And by fart, I mean the kind after a lot of dairy products. At the end of the tour, you get to drink a cup of the natural spring water apparently with 40 different minerals in it that are good for you. It smells and tastes like fart…if you’re into that kind of thing.

2. The Royal Crescent

The Royal Crescent is a notable residential road of 30 houses, laid out in a crescent, in the city of Bath, England. It was designed by the architect John Wood the Younger and built between 1767 and 1774. It is amongst the greatest examples of Georgian architecture to be found in the United Kingdom and is a grade I listed building.

Basically a big building that is pretty impressive to look at. My recommendation for photographers is to go there at dusk when nobody’s there and you’ll be able to capture pictures without cricket bats and Britons everywhere.

Royal Crescent with entertainment

3. Hike up Bathwick

Those are basically the highlights of Bath. On the last day we took a hike up through Bathwick to check out the city from a far, which is also very worthwhile.

Bringin Gangsta Back

All in all, I think Bath is a worthwhile overnight experience away from London. Stonehenge and the Roman Baths you will see in all the literature so it was worth hitting up. It’s a nice weekend trip away from the London lights. One to two nights max.

Where else in the world would you get to taste fart in liquid form?