London Ninja

Finally found a good value in London…in Chinatown, of course. I knew my cousins could make it happen. Wong Kei is on a street adjacent to the main strip in Chinatown.

Duck Noodle soup was pretty good. noodles and soup were a bit on the less flavorful side but I think it’s what this recipe calls for. The Chow Fun was great. Totally greasy and full of wok with lots of beef to go around and a good hot sauce/chili flake+oil mix to add to the mix. All the dishes around me looked big. Some fried rice dish look ginormous(I hate that word because it sounds like vaginormous).

Customer service was terrible, as is expected in Chinese restaurants. They put us upstairs on a table for 6 with other people on the round table. We left abruptly and went downstairs where they put us right next to another set of people…but at least it wasn’t a round table.

Duck Noodle Soup = 3.50GBP
Beef Chow Fun = 3.80 GBP
half pint of Carlsberg = 1.5 GBP
=========================
8.8 GBP = $17 USD for two

Happy Friday. It’ going to be great to walk all over London this weekend.

…with my umbrella.

When in Rome…do as the Romans do…

Well, I am in the UK, and I tried to do as the Brits do today…which is eat Marmite. For those of you that do not know what Marmite is, this is what it is in all its glory:

Marmite is a British savoury spread made from yeast extract, a by-product of beer brewing.

It is a sticky, dark brown paste with a distinctive, powerful taste that polarises consumer opinion. This is reflected in the company’s marketing slogan: “Love it or hate it”.

I took a piece of toasted bread and spread the dark honey-like matter on top and went back to my desk to enjoy a tasty afternoon snack. It actually tasted quite nice…that is if you define nice as the complete opposite of “tastes good”. Generally I would put this somewhere around eating mud and fecal matter of a small to medium sized rodent. I took exactly one bite before throwing the rest of it in the trash and chugging a can of Coke Zero. WTF. That stuff tastes just like you would think yeast tastes like. And, by yeast I mean yeast infection. I would recommend that you just take my word for it rather than going through the motions yourself….Marmite tastes like arse(British for ass).

Whoever coined “When in Rome…” apparently never tasted Marmite…

“Phone Home” as ET would say. That’s what I’ve needed to do since I’ve arrived in London for countless reasons. These have included long conference calls with the US. As I see it there are the following options:

1. Call direct.
AKA “butt-rape”. And by “butt-rape”, I mean the worst San-Quentin style by a gang of large men not of your ethnicity. Using the hotel phone to call directly to the USA will cost $19,084 zillion GBP. Converted into USD, that is 898,287 zillion with the way the USD is valued currently. Bush sucks. (So does Blair)…but I digress.

2. Calling Card:
This works relatively well, sometimes with rates lower than Skype. It is all Voice Over Internet Protocol (VOIP), aka Internet calling anyway. There are a couple of cons to this method, however. First, you have to physically go to a stereotypical Chinese or Middle Eastern run ghetto shop, walk by all the magnets and Big Ben or Golden Gate Bridge trinkets before talking to a small to medium size, out of shape, generally fugly man with bad breathe. By fugly, I mean f’in ugly. You might be able to get a card online, but I haven’t tried that because I fear that even online the halitosis will carry through the air vent on my laptop.

The other problem is that hotels usually will charge you like a dollar just for the connecting fee. FDAT.

3. PC to PC.
This does not work. The technology works fine but there are some shortcomings here. Skype works great for PC to PC calls. I think all of the other IM clients support this as well: MSN, Yahoo…probably not AIM since it is such a terrible IM client. At the end of the day, though, why use any of those other ones when Skype’s entire business is Internet telephony? As a bonus, you can transfer files of ANY size to any of your clients. I use it at work and while it’s not perfect, it’s pretty good.

If my friends are online, I’d rather IM then so I can continue to read Slashdot, Fatwallet, or blogs such as the misAdventures of Workmonkey once or twice every 3 months when there’s a new posting. It’s the same as my cell phone. Unless I am driving, Text Messaging actually works better.

So what about people that cannot type…ie my parents? Well, I will glady pay $19,084 zillion GBP not to have to troubleshoot why their PC is not working like it should. This usually ends up with a dissertation on how your Yahoo ID and email is NOT the same as your Windows account. My folks, God bless their souls, just do not get the computer or this thing called the Internet. As such, I will pay to call them on the phone.

4. Skype
VOIP is the best way to call from the UK to the US, bar none. But how and what should you do?

Use Skype. If you are a n00b, you should start by getting a headset like the Plantronics Audio 330 that I have. I prefer the ones that cover both ears, but they all work the same for the most part unless you are going a shit Chinese Sony-knock-off brand like Coby. I like saving money, but come on now.

There are three essential services from Skype:
Skype Out: This is the most important one. You put in money on your Skype account that allow for calling. Prices from the UK to the US is 2.1 cents/min.

Skype In: As referred to earlier, to allow for others to call you, you must make it simple. Skype In allows you to get a local number in the US that routes to your Skype account in the UK. You just leave your computer on and you can get all of these calls at the normal International rates. It’s good to have a local US number, because the minute you try to communicate a UK number to a friend in the US like +4420855551234, they will hang up on you. Skype In costs $18 for 3 months or $60 for a full year…not terrible…and it comes with Voicemail, which I would think should just be a free service but they charge for it. FDAT.

Skype To Go: This is the ability to use your cell phone to make international calls through Skype. It’s a great idea considering direct calls internationally through your cell phone is the equivalent of butt rape(see #1 above) or putting AJAX(the cleaner, not the Web 2.0 technology) in your eyes. And by eyes, I just mean two holes you cut with a precision scapel in your flesh near your scrotum. (that’s gross)

More on this later when I actually get a cell phone. It’s actually been pretty cool not having a cell phone. The problem is that some of the fun is also gone. It’s not the actual talking to people…well, maybe just those late night drunk dials. It’s all the fun my EVDO Sprint phone offered me: Internet access, Internet tethering of my laptop through the Bluetooth on my phone to allow for connectivity from anywhere, the GPS on the phone, but most of all: PictureMail. I can’t just take a picture of a pint of London Pride ale and send it off to my friends with a subject of “Beer o Clock” right now. I’ll find a way eventually.

Problems with Skype: Well, it’s Voice over IP, which means if you are also downloading 28 Weeks Later or Knocked Up (both movies I have yet to see), your voice quality will suck arse(British for ass). Generally, you should not use your computer while calling with Skype or you will sound like Soundwave from the Transformers (release July 3). The other problem with Skype is that there are actually some numbers (1-866, etc) that do not work. It has something to do with toll-free number carriers that block VOIP but regardless just do not work. WTF.

5. Jajah
This service is actually very novel and very cool. It makes complete sense, which is that who the hell wants to use a PC to make a call? Everyone is used to the phone, including my mom, including my dad, including my grandma, and including my brother’s wife’s uncle’s best friend in Taiwan. Basically, you go to the website and punch in your from and to number.

Jajah will then ring you at your number and connect you with the other number. That’s it. The rates are a bit higher at 1.5GBP per minute to call from UK to the US, which is like 3 cents /min, but you can use your computer and browse any of the sites mentioned earlier or just aggregate them with Google Reader. It is almost easy enough to teach my folks…but I say almost. By almost I mean I will never ever attempt to do so.

Now back to solving world peace….

Buy these for international travel. You will thank me when you are trying to fly on a red eye flight. You could get the cheap ones (which may work fine), or you could get the one I have, which is made out of foam, silver, and kryptonite. It works well…I highly recommend it. That said, you really only need it on coach flights longer than 2 hours.

Apparently there are newer designs for travel pillows. While mine looks like a horseshoe as show here:

My style of travel pillow

Newer contraptions include interesting designs like the one shown below sold here. Good luck trying to get one on a plane as a carry on.

Only take this on a plane if you actually look like the person here (or wear that lady’s dress)

Then there is a new class of travel pillows that look like a little pod. I don’t know how they work but they’re supposed to work better than the old school kind that I have which actually works just fine. You are welcome to try it at EZSleep.com.

Let me know how it goes if you try one of these things

Apparently, a recent study has concluded that London is the second most expensive city in the world to live. London is estimated at 26 percent more expensive than New York, and climbed three spots to second place on a strengthening British pound and steep rental prices.

The problem here is not how expensive London has become, it’s that we got beat by Moscow! Moscow??!?! I thought we nuked them into like 90 small fragment countries? Here’s a snippet of what that means:

Moscow, once a by-word for frugality, beats London not only in the property stakes – renting a flat costs £57 more a month – but also when it comes to a cup of coffee and newspaper. A daily dose of caffeine in the Russian capital will set you back £3.14, which puts the London cost of £2 in the shade.

Moscow has taken to its new-found status with great panache: it is now a city that revels in its image of brash decadence and sheer opulence.

There cannot be many other places where not only do they sell dresses made out of 500-rouble (£50) notes but people actually buy them too.

Ultimately, the dollar sucks and that is why these other cities have trumped NYC. For me personally this is a double edged sword. Because I have a lot of assets in the US, the decline in value of my assets sucks. On the other hand, I will be getting paid in GBP and so a strengthening pound helps me, but only if I want to take it and spend it in the US (which I do). I also want to make a dress out of dollar bills with a belt made out of nickels and strut it around Picadilly Circus. That’s sheer opulence for you, folks. I can sell you one but you have to get on the waiting list.

The research used New York as the baseline, which sort of confirms New York as the center of the world. I heart NY.

Question: How much does London cost?
Answer: A shitload. And by shitload, I mean a large semi truck full of fecal matter.

I have come to the conclusion that the prices in London are not warranted and do not make economical sense. The prices are focused on a few areas (like New York):

1. Rental / property prices
Property prices generally will reflect more or less economic trends that are dictated by Supply and Demand. London is one of the top 4 cities in the world outside of New York, San Francisco, Paris, and Tokyo. There is a lot of demand to live here. Fair enough. All of the cities listed are expensive to live in. I don’t like it, but I get it.

2. Food
This I do and do not get. The cost of goods in London is NOT significantly more than California. You can go to a Tesco (Tesco is a Safeway-like supermarket for you bloody Americans) and for the most part find prices similar to what you find the States. But when you go sit down at a restaurant, you will find that everything is double what you pay in the USA. WTF. I see it as more price-fixing or that rent/taxes for businesses are so high that they have to raise prices this high to pay for costs.

For example, a block of my favorite kind of cheese: Gruyere cheese was maybe 2GBP, translating to $4…no sales tax. Last night I purchased some Emmental cheese, which Agenda introduced me to on a booze cruise on a sailboat in New York a couple of weeks ago, for like 1.5GBP. So cost of goods is not necesarily higher than that in the States but take a look at some of my restaurant reviews and you will see that prices for eating out is double. WTF. Some kind of a status thing, which I’m not into. I like my food gourmet and I like my food cheap, damn it.

What you see people do at work a lot is get their food for takeaway, because you actually get charged more for eating at the restaurant. My collegues told me that it’s actually a tax thing, that the restaurant gets taxed more VAT if you eat in…lame. At work, I have two options:

A. Get a takeaway sandwich / baguette for ~3GBP($6 dollars) and eat it outside or in the lunchroom or at my desk.
B. Go out for lunch and sit down for ~$7.50 GBP($15 dollars) for pasta, pizza, or mince pie.

Um…I will choose A unless there is a reason for B, which is only if the Queen is eating at the same restaurant and I get to be knighted and be hereforth referred to as “Sir”.

3. Pubs
I will comment on this more later because I have been able to drink on the company tab this week without seeing the tab. I think the general rate is ~$3-$4 GBP per pint. ($6-$8 USD). On the surface it sounds a bit high, but keep in mind that you do not tip in the UK when you go to the bar and the bartender literally lifts a finger to pour beer into your glass. I can understand tipping a bartender that makes a mean mojito with TLC(he must harvests his own mint leaves), but I’ve never understood tipping the bartender a dollar for a $3 pint of Bud Light that took the same amount of effort as pouring water or flushing the toilet. Maybe if they ferment the yeast in front of me.

More on pubs in London in a separate post.

4. Shopping
Department store items and clothes in London are pretty much all about double the price of what it costs in the US. Not much to say here other than: Save your money and shop in the USA, unless you really want to wear that shirt that says “FCUK”. You should really wear “FUCKED BY FCUK” if you do pay those prices…better yet, “DUMBARSE”.

Go to New York and shop at Steve and Barry’s. That’s my kind of store, where they sell Starbury basketball shoes for $14.99. Yeah, that’s right…$14.99. I would have picked some up for UK if I had any room in my luggage. Shoes take up more room than anything, if you were not aware, and you should if possible avoid packing shoes when you’re travelling.

If you are more of a bargain hunter, go to Ross in the USA or any outlet store like it. They are particularly good for dress shirts, ties, and belts.

On a side note, I went into a Top Shop, a popular UK brand, on Oxford street yesterday and checked out their men’s section. This must have been the most gay/metro shopping experience I’ve ever had. Not that there is anything wrong with that, having lived in San Francisco for 5 years. But this was beyond SF….every dude in there was dressed to the tee….. latest styling shirts, snakeskin shoes, you name it. I’m in there in my t-shirt, Gap jeans, and GBX shoes that I’ve been wearing everyday since I left the US a couple of weeks ago(I even played basketball with Agenda with them). I asked about a pair of brilliant shoes and they were 45 GBP. Um…is there a Ross around?

Are there cheap places to do shopping in the UK?
Portabello Market, which is right next to my hotel, has some decent deals and foreign peddlers selling stuff on a street market, including clothes, electronics, and produce. It’s not cheap but it’s cheaper. The other thing you should do is buy online on sites like Amazon UK. There will be more but I have not yet found anything.

Conclusion
So all in all, things cost a lot but there may be ways around it. I’m going to find all of them in my time in the UK. God Save the Queen.

So it finally happened. I got a chance to greet the queen, the Prime Minister, and a former Prime Minister.

In celebration of the 25th anniversary of the Falkland Islands, all my royal folks showed up at the Buckingham Palace to remember the warriors. In case you are as ignorant about this war as I was, here’s some history for you:

The conflict, which followed Argentina’s seizure of the islands on April 2, 1982, cost the lives of 255 British servicemen, many of them lost at sea, and more than 600 Argentines — half of them in the sinking of the battleship General Belgrano.

The defeat of Argentina, which continues to claim the islands it calls Las Malvinas, hastened the collapse of the military regime of Gen. Leopoldo F. Galtieri. He died in 2003, under house arrest and indicted for alleged human rights abuses.

Thatcher ordered the British fleet on an 8,000-mile journey to the South Atlantic to retake the islands after diplomacy failed. Victory in the Falklands sealed Thatcher’s image as the “Iron Lady” and paved the way for election victories in 1983 and 1987.

So I show up at the Palace and was able to snap this:

The person ahead of them is George W….I think…but I wasn’t wearing my glasses so who knows. Maybe it’s time for Lasik. Ok, so I thought it was the Queen this whole time. I mean, who else would wear a bright pink outfit like that? Margarat Thatcher. Yes, the Margarat Thatcher, PM of UK from 1979 - 1990. I think Tony Blair used to look good in history until he met that man that is walking in front of him and Thatcher there…Sorry, Blair. California and I tried to get that man out of office.

So I think the queen drove by and waved but I was not prepared to take that picture as I was looking at a rather annoying nearing-puberty kid in front of me. For all my stories to friends and family, however, this lady in pink was the queen and the man in front is George W, so start spreading that story instead of the truth in true Thatcher form.